#13 Spring Will Spring?
Warning: This one stinks.
Sometimes I can get a tad emotional. I overthink, as one does, and I let it drive me absolutely insane. I cry for days at a time and every time I even think I just tear up and can not stop myself. I breathe and try to contain myself but it is pointless. I can just cry and cry and... cry. Emotionally breaking down, and then trying to pick yourself back up for it to just happen again in a couple days, weeks, or months- if you're lucky.
Sometimes I feel alone. I feel as though no one is listening. No one is on my side. No one ever understands the way I feel inside. I can't express all my thoughts and emotions. No one will ever comprehend the way my brain works, the way I think about others, or the way I think about myself. The way I love too quickly or too hard. The way I battle every thing someone says to me because I feel as though I need to.
The way the weather changes I feel I am falling deeper and deeper into depression. My anxiety grips on to me and I end up ruining every single relationship I am in.
Snow and I have been... messy? Girls and overthinking. I hate the way I am in relationships. I hate the way boys make me feel. I suddenly feel unsecure, not insecure, and feel I need to compete for his love or attention. It ruins me, then it ruins us. For me, it only feels like just a matter of time before he can't handle my emotions or feelings; the way I need to talk things out or I'll drive myself crazy. He is soon to get sick of me, then blame it on our age difference. It may just be a matter of time- but not the way he thinks.
Hopefully this will pass. But, for now, I stay worried, overworked, and underpaid.
Hope you are well.