#10 The Snow Has Fallen
Things didn't work out with Snow. It has been a long, hard road. Full of emotion, but only from my end. I have decided to let him go. There is so much about him I haven't said, and so much I want to say. So, I wrote a short story about everything. It'll be able to be sold, if you're interested. It'll be a print soft cover book form, which I am excited for. It's anonymous so I am only letting the people who read this know about it. I will personally send it if anyone is interested.
But, yeah. He has so many problems, and I just told him if he didn't want to be someone significant in my life then we shouldn't talk anymore. But I die to talk to him every day. I want to message him just to scream. I want to punch him in the face, but also hug him at the same time. I want to just cry all the time. It was devastating to me. For weeks I was just crying and genuinely depressed about it all.
What DEVASATED me was seeing his ex on his phone. I literally left his house and cried hysterically for two days. It was awful, and I debate every day just messaging him to just say anything. But, do I just cry and take him off my stuff? I don't even know what the right thing to do is anymore. It's killing me. I am heartbroken.
I think I want to ask if he has anything left to say to me, and if not then it's probably best he not be on my stuff. Or maybe I should just let it be, and take my time to just get over it. I am unsure, confused, anxious, but overall... I am just sad.
I know I just need time, but I wish things were different. Sometimes I regret giving in to him, but other times I realize just how much I love those moments with him. Little did I know it wasn't even real. And that just sucks so much. He was so persistent to be in my life, yet didn't want me in his- how perfectly cruel. Taylor Swift's album came out the same weekend and I was drowning in it.
I hope that YOU are well. We are all going through some tough stuff, but I hope we all find peace soon. Stay safe.